Male versus Female Massage Therapists 1


“What are the differences between male and female therapists? Which one is better? Who should I choose?”

I’ve been in the massage field for a number of years, and I have lost track of the countless times I’ve been asked those questions, or heard someone state “I only see men because they give the deepest massages”, or “Women have a more healing touch.”

Here’s the truth: there is no difference.
It’s like asking “Who should cook my hamburger? Is a guy or gal better? Which gender uses the most delicious seasonings?”, it’s completely irrelevant and entirely dependent on the individual performing your massage. Or cooking your hamburger. Give two different individuals (hell, 30 different individuals; or 100) theĀ exact same massage education, and they will come out of their program with different styles and techniques. Some might be pulled toward energy work, others toward spa services, and still others toward medical or rehabilitation based massage. Some will love the feeling of giving deep massages, and seek that sort of clientele out. Others will love light, relaxing, flowy work; they’ll look for clients who appreciate that in a massage. But absolutely none of these styles or preferences have anything to do with their gender.

In no particular order, here are some of the gender-based assumptions I’ve heard about massage:

Men give a deeper massage.
One of the deepest massages I ever received was given by a small, “90 pounds soaking wet”, young woman. She had the small fingers and elbows that allowed her to really pinpoint my trigger points.
One of the lightest massages I ever had was from a “gentle giant”. Tall, broad, and attracted to energy work, his style is far from deep tissue. Were you to book with him because you assumed you’d get the deepest massage of your life, you might be disappointed.

Giving massage is not about “muscling it”. Given the right combination of tools (palms or fingers? forearms or elbows?), table height (lower allows for more pressure), and speed (slower strokes allow you to penetrate the muscles more deeply), there is almost no one I cannot get deep enough on.

Women just have a really nurturing/healing touch.
I’ve had really nurturing/healing massages from men and women. Most therapists are attracted to this profession because of those healing aspects; not in spite of them.

That’s gay. Usually said by a male, about receiving massage from a male therapist
No. It’s not.
Here’s the deal– when you get a massage from a therapist, you are not receiving a sexual service. We are not prostitutes. We are therapists performing therapy. It’s no more gay than seeing a male doctor or dentist.

Male massage therapists must be gay
Are all male nurses gay? How about all male receptionists? These are all professions dominated by women, but that doesn’t make the men in them gay.
Also, more importantly, the sexual orientation of your therapist has nothing to do with your massage. Not one bit. It wouldn’t matter if he was gay. Remember that part of up there about how we are professional therapists and not prostitutes? That still applies!

Now, I’m not trying to come off as exceedingly harsh. If you have a preference, you have a preference. I’m not forcing you to change that; and no one will force a client to see a therapist they don’t want. But if you have some pre-conceived notions about the differences between women and men in the massage profession, I’d invite you to take a look at those. Maybe even try a massage with a therapist of the opposite gender than you normally request.


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